By Crom! Amazon's doing a Conan the Barbarian series!

So apparently this was announced at some point in the past, but then nothing was heard about it until now. According to Syfy Wire, the show is being developed by Ryan Condal, the co-creator of the SF TV show The Colony and screenwriter of the future Academy Award-winning movie Rampage (you know, the one with Dwayne Johnson and a giant mutant gorilla? Yeah, that one.) and will adapt the short stories written by Robert E. Howard.

According to Condal, the first episode of the Conan series will adapt “The Frost-Giant’s Daughter,” one of the primary tales in Howard’s canon for his signature character.

“I think the Conan purists will be very pleased,” said Howard, while setting the stage for Amazon's pilot episode. “If anybody knows and follows the saga [‘The Frost-Giant’s Daughter’] is... the earliest story in Conan’s life. He’s basically just left Cimmeria and he’s running around as a mercenary with this Viking band of warriors called the Aesir... I’ve put [the Conan stories] back in [chronological] order and the idea is to tell Conan’s story over the time of his life.”

I'm intrigued. The idea of following the Cimmerian's life in proper order rather than just random points I think is a good idea. Condal also says that the show will have a serial element to it, which I guess means that each episode won't be a self-contained, standalone. I wonder if that means that all the events in each episode will build up towards something big near the end of the first season?

So what do you folks think? Does the prospect of a Conan the Barbarian series pique your interest? Will Amazon screw this up or will it strike gold?

Now this is how Red Sonja should look

Credit: Michael C. Hayes.

I've made no secret about my strong dislike of Red Sonja's chain mail bikini. I understand why people like it and I'll readily admit that it can be an awfully satisfying look to the eyes, but it's also just awful and impractical. That's why I like depictions of the She-Devil in actual, practical, common sense armor because while it might not be as sexy as the bikini, as like she doesn't have to worry about disembowelment because her stomach is unprotected or the risk of losing a breast to an errant sword or ax strike.

Anyone remember the Conan the Adventurer cartoon?

Here's the intro to it.



I'm amazed that they managed to make a kid-friendly cartoon about Conan. The intro explains the premise of the show: Conan's family is turned to "living stone" by Wrath-Amon, a wizard lizardman who wanted this stuff called Star Metal that Conan's father had created from the metal of a meteorite. The metal would allow Wrath-Amon to open a portal and release his god, Set. The metal also had the ability to undo the human disguise of Wrath-Amon and his minions and reveal their serpenty selves, as well as banish them to the same dimension as Set with a simple touch. It was a clever way of side-stepping the violence of the Conanverse. Anyway, Conan's dad had forged the Star Metal into weapons, including a sword for Conan that the latter naturally used to fight Wrath-Amon in order to save his family.

There were several other characters on the show and each was armed with weapons that were also made out of Star Metal. Oh, and Conan had a shield that he could use to summon a smartass Phoenix.

The toys that went with this show sucked, though. Basically oversized chunks of plastic with no articulation except in the shoulders and the hips. Bleck.

Oh good lord, it wasn't a bad dream after all - Arnold Schwarzenegger taking up the Conan mantle again

Should be noted that he's 65 years old and while he's not completely flabby, his body isn't exactly 1982 level either. The movie will be called the The Legend of Conan, is a direct sequel to the first movie, so they're effectively de-rebooting the franchise or re-rebooting or restoring it to the last save point. They're also ignoring Conan the Destroyer. From what I can tell, the inspiration for LoC was the very end of Conan the Barbarian, where he's shown sitting on a throne with a crown on his head and so the new movie will carry off from that, showing an aged Conan.

I'm a bit mixed about this. On one hand, Conan the Barbarian was a great movie and if you've read some of the stories, it gets even better. On the other hand, I think it's a bit unfair to Jason Momoa. Insulting, to be honest. I know his Conan movie wasn't as well received as the original, but ditching him and it like this just comes off as a middle finger. I'm also not too thrilled about the idea (or the alcoholism-inducing mental image) of a senior citizen running around in a loin cloth and swinging a sword.

There are just some things a person should never have to see in their life. :P

Picture via The Blog That Time Forgot.

Looks like it's going to be another Conan spree

I swear to Crom, those Ace paperbacks the library has will be the death of me. I made the mistake of taking one of them, Conan of Cimmeria, off the shelf just to take a peek at the table of contents. Just a peek! But, as soon as I gazed upon "The Frost Giant's Daughter", I knew I was lost. Despite its decrepit state, I also grabbed the first Ace Conan book, even though the thing is about five seconds from falling away.

Then I grabbed Kull: Exile of Atlantis because of reasons. Damn, I always fail my saving throws when it comes to Robert E. Howard!

Speaking of The Hall of the Dead

It was okay, nothing to write home about. I thought the story was far too short at around 26 pages and it was bereft of action. It felt like it was nothing more than a transitional story, something Howard wrote to explain what Conan did after the events of The Tower of the Elephant and to set things up for The God in the Bowl. It also felt rushed. Of the Conan stories I've read so far, The Hall of the Dead is the weakest.

Rating: 3/10.

Currently reading: Conan!

I wasn't too sure about it at first, since my local library's only copy looks like its been smashed about by the Hulk, but I can't resist Conan. The only reason I'm on page 81 already is because I've read the previous stories a few months back. I'm not sure if I'll read the rest of the book or just nibble on one or two stories. We'll see.

(via Paperback Fantasies)

Stay awhile and listen

Just an update that there will be posts coming down the pipe. Computer games (not of the Diablo 3 variety, despite the post's title) and reading have gotten in the way, along with household stuff. As for reading, I found an absolutely beat to hell paperback collection of Conan stories - a mix of Howard, de Camp, and Carter - at the library and fell into its thrall. Aside from that, I also snagged Kull of Atlantis and Edgar Rice Burroughs' Pirates of Venus, along with Bernard Cornwell's The Last Kingdom. I originally went for the latter, but couldn't resist the others. What can I? I'm a fool for fantasy.

The Tower of the Elephant is pretty good. The Thing in the Crypt had a very roleplaying/D&D feel to it, which I dug.

Now for the posts, I think you'll like them. One will discuss alternatives to swords and was inspired by a blog post I saw elsewhere. The other is going to be about a fantasy western subgenre, its viability and general musings. Now, I just have to write them. This ought to be fun.

When Conan meets He-Man, we all win

Bwahahahahaha. By nancynismo.

Here's a picture I thieved from Beyond the Black Gate

He really needs to work on his spot checks or invest in better dice.

The party don't start till I walk in...
and then it usually ends in a bar fight
and no less than five stabbings.

Joking aside, I really dig this and any picture that depicts Conan wearing more than just a loin cloth and boots. Unfortunately, he's depicted in the latter so often that it's become his de facto look, which is a shame.

(h/t Beyond the Black Gate)

Recent book purchases

These barely fit in frame.

I actually intended to get an equal number of science fiction and fantasy, but the trip to the bookstore was impromptu, so it slipped my mind. That, and Books-A-Million didn't have the first book in Joe Abercrombie's First Law series - The Blade Itself. Currently, I'm reading The Lost Fleet: Relentless because that series is like crack to me, but after I finish it (which shouldn't take long, it never does), I plan on reading Gardens of the Moon. I have some familiarity with that book, I checked it out from the local library a few times, but never got deep into it for whatever reason. The Malazan Book of the Fallen looks like a great series, though, so I figured I'd focus on it.

The People of the Black Circle

I just finished reading the first story in the Bloody Crown of Conan and it was good. The reason why it took me so long was because I would stop, go back and reread parts of it in order to absorb the story and really enjoy it. The plot of The People of the Black Circle involves the death of the King of Vendhya and at the hands of the Black Seers, powerful magic users that no one wanted to tussle with, and the swearing of revenge by his sister and subsequent Queen of Vendhya, Yasmina. Conan gets involved because seven chiefs of the Afghuli tribes he leads are captured and held prisoner by a regional governor. Yasmina arrives in secret with the intent to use the hostages to force Conan to hunt down and kill the Black Seers. Conan, on the other hand, just shows up the same night and kidnaps Yasmina, intending to use her as a bargaining chip to get his people released and what follows is one big ole adventure that takes both through treacherous mountains, against wild hill tribes and evil wizards. I don't want to spoil what happens, but I highly recommend reading it.

I've also decided to skip the other two stories in the book, since a quick Google shows that they're not as good as the first. I'm still deciding what the read next, but that shouldn't take long.

Another book down and finally the Cimmerian will be read!

I finished Equal Rites, the third book in Terry Pratchett's Discworld series, last night. I give it an "eh". It was a bit too short for my tastes (213 pages) and sort of meandered off from the plot. It wasn't bad, but it wasn't all that good either, the weakest of the three Discworld books I've read so far.


Now though, I can move on to a book I've been wanting to read for a while - The Bloody Crown of Conan by Robert E. Howard. It's part of a three volume series that was released a number of years ago, collecting all of the Conan stories Howard wrote for magazines. Unfortunately, The Bloody Crown is the second volume and my local library doesn't have the first and third, which is a shame because the first volume contains notable Conan tales like The Frost Giant's Daughter and Tower of the Elephant. Oh well, still enjoying it. The book contains three stories: The People of the Black Circle, Hour of the Dragon, and A Witch Shall Be Born, along with some extras, like the synopsis that Howard had written for the three stories, an untitled draft and a some other things. I'm probably just going to read the three stories and maybe peruse the other stuff.